We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve. When I read this quote from one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I didn’t quite understand what it meant. It took a few unfortunate situations filled with hurt and pain for me to realize that I was accepting the love I thought I deserved. I had mistaken control and manipulation for love and care, so naturally in the process I lost parts myself, started settling and said I was okay with things I was 100% not okay with.
They say that what happens to you isn’t always in your control, but your healing is. I had to choose between being defined by the situations that knocked me down, or taking ownership of how I would move forward. In taking ownership of how I would move forward, I started my healing process, which was messy (sometimes still messy) and very difficult. But, through this process, I found God and a different type of self-love.
I talk a lot about self-love because honestly in hindsight I can say that I haven’t always loved myself in the way that I needed to be loved. As a result, I accepted less from others. But, when I became intentional and stopped accepting less than what I deserve, including allowing people in my space who didn’t deserve to be there, I reached a whole new level of self-awareness. I had to learn and unlearn so much about myself, including what I do and don’t want. This is when I truly stopped accepting the love I thought I deserved, because I realized I was sleeping on myself and worthy of more. I wrote down what unconditional love looks like to me and now it’s a requirement for all of my relationships - both friendships and romantic.
I’m very protective of my peace and the person I’m becoming because I have worked very hard to reach this point. I know what I have to offer, whether someone else chooses to acknowledge it or not. When you’ve been hurt, the level of what you will and will not tolerate becomes totally different. One of the best things someone ever did for me was tell me that they couldn’t care for me in the way that I needed to be cared for and they didn’t want to hold me back – so they set me free.
I will never apologize for wanting what I want, or needing what I need. I tell people a lot that if you feel like you’re asking for too much, nine times out of ten you’re asking the wrong person. Because believe me when I say that the right person will give you everything you need and didn’t know you need without you even asking – I have witnessed this firsthand. If a person truly wants to be with you, they won’t leave you guessing and will make their intentions known.
At the end of the day, true love is a choice. We all deserve to be with someone who wakes up everyday and chooses us. Not just on the days when it’s the easiest choice, but on those days when things don’t feel easy. That’s when it’s the most important.